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Be a partner.

Just do what needs to be done.

Oh how I wish….

These are very good points, Zach. I can honestly say, that after cooking for what seems like ages, I’m burned out in having to come up every night with what to eat. Just a little help in giving me ideas of what to cook, that doesn’t take 3-4 hours, that you like, goes a long way to making me happy! Even better, surprise me once in a while, with you being responsible for deciding what you want to cook, gather the ingredients, and cook the dinner. Then I will joyfully clean up afterwards. We need to trade off sometimes. Cooking in my opinion, is a huge mental load. 🥰😊

My gem could not care less about home renovation. It's so sad.

My favorite night of our marriage was when my partner finally "got it". He asked if it was okay to take care of dinner that night, because he knows I enjoy cooking and that was the only question he asked. He planned the dinner, procured the ingredients, cooked the meal and cleaned up afterwards.

You hit the nail on the head, Zach! But he will be the first in line, for taking all the credit for the child’s well being! And for this guy, don’t expect dinner on the table when you come home, unless I’m in a really good mood… 🤣😂 Where’s the partnership? We’ve just divided the family into his/her duties again. 🥰 Women want more than lip service in their men. ♥️

List is a 4 letter word

happy birthday! youve helped me feel validated and my husband is "trying" and doing your skool group

So the husband should take on the physical load and mental load. Gotcha.

They wouldn’t have a place to go to for an oil change if all men were gone. There would be no food at the grocery stores. There would be no running water, electricity or phone service either.

She’ll never notice that you did that.

Yuh. A lot of women go through this too. Got their husbands coming in and asking what have you been doing, they get all defensive.

You witnessed a huge blowup during an initial meeting including my ex saying “none of my friends like you”. I went through therapy to communicate better and to not stonewall. Because of this, I’m in a much healthier relationship, long distance, able to identify all the positives he’s doing, and how he holds the mental load for his roommate and how good it can be.

We need a calendar system in our house. That sounds super helpful.

Hi, I currently don't live with my partner but still with my parents (I'm 21F living in Italy). I try to teach my dad what you taught me to make my parents relationship better. Thank you for your work. P.s. I also celebrated my birthday this week🎉

My male partner still struggles to identify what mental load includes and mixes it up with physically tasks (running errands for example). He doesn’t understand, that reminding him on something or „ordering“ him, to do something, is load. He thinks as long as he actually does the task (after I reminded him) he’s fine. But I’m not. Your videos helped me out. Still I’d much appreciate to get more „what’s the difference between mental load and the task itself“ vids. Happy Birthday 🎈

I share your content with clients ❤️

I’m not a guy, but I am autistic and have a lot of issues with executive functioning (especially seeing messes). Hot tip I figured out yesterday: if you give a photo of a space to ChatGPT, it will tell you what to do, step by step, in as much detail as you request.

Thank you for saying if the person who is asking is not normally the person owning the mental load of that particular thing. Cus 99% of the time I’m cooking dinner and occasionally I’m tired of figuring out what’s for dinner. So I ask my wife if she got any ideas.

Happy Birthday !

I’m single… but I am self-employed and have an assistant. I’ve done a lot of reflecting how I can be a better boss by tracking when the mental load I’m expecting her to carry is uneven and unfair

Happy birthday! You help me talk to my husband in a constructive way about these issues!

I am a mom who doesn't hold the majority of the mental load in the family. And pretty often I came home and asked "What shall I do?". So what you taught me and the world about decision fatigue and taking responsibilty has absolutely helped me to be a nicer partner and really getting the feeling of "helping" in a way that I really take things from my partner instead of adding extra emotional labour on him.

Happy Birthday Zach!! Firstly, you taught me "mental load". The term and what to look for. It's helped me see all the ways my husband carriers the mental load and all the places I carry it. And the fact that you are helping educate people is bite size chunks for busy, stressed parents is amazing! Thank you! Xoxo

My husband is 6'6" and I constantly have to remind him to wait for me. So I don’t disagree, but there's also another side to this coin- the person who's inconsideratly slow. The person on the trail who wants to stop and examine every rock and mushroom and plant and take too many photos holding everyone else back. Or at the store smelling 20 candles with no intention of buying any of them. Or walking down the street and needing to walk into EVERY shop along the way. It's rude to go ahead- but its also rude to hold people back. I’ve experienced irritation at BOTH behaviors.

Happy birthday sir :)) I’m young and have never had a partner but your work has helped me understand communication skills and other people better!!!

Ive learned to keep strong boundaries in my relationships with all my needs. Its changed the way i speak about needs and chores and to recognize all the invisible labor in myself and others more

I learned more about why I get so frustrated and overwhelmed in life in general. Thanks for helping me see myself.

The facepalm when he replied "just make me a list" was palpable

Right on! 🥰

Happy birthday 🎊🎂

Imagine if every woman in the world waited for a confetti parade every time they did the dishes... We would all be dead within a month ☠️

It helps me to understand why im so overwhelmed. Its not that im pathetic or overreacting.

You’ve helped me understand why I’m so exhausted and mentally drained all the time. Subconsciously, I never felt like I was allowed to complain or count something as “work” unless it was a physical task. Now I can clearly articulate why that’s absurd. It’s been hugely validating to know mental and emotional labor ARE labor. That simple understanding has given me so much inner peace and a better understanding of both myself and my relationship. Thank you - and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 🎉😊

It made me realize that at least some men realize that we are raising men to be children instead of grown human adults. And are working to correct it.

You helped me un-gaslight myself and be able to fully recognize why I was so frustrated in my last relationship. Happy birthday!!!

I thankfully don’t feel a divide between my partner and myself regarding the mental load yet, so I just like to watch your videos for your communication suggestions when planning or household maintenance causes friction! You’re awesome! Happy birthday 🥳

My birthday was tuesday !

The difference for me is that it made me realize I do too much with little to no help and I do more than I should. I originally thought it was normal. I see now that it's abuse.

I've had a lot of resentment but couldn't describe why. You helped me articulate I have decision fatigue and I carry the mental load. I'm learning how to express my needs

You validate what I want in a partner. Happy birthday!

I have learned abseloutley nothing from this challenge as this is the first short I have ever got of you 💀

Happy birthday. I follow a few male RUclipsrs just like yourself. As much validation and help explaining things I get from y’all collectively my favorite has to be getting to the point where my husband and I communicate better. You are part of a solid group of men who help me understand mine better. Not just getting him to see my side. I value that very much.

I hate my partner more... not what you want to hear. Im glad you're out there trying.

I share your videos with my husband of 29 years. You articulate things I’ve been trying to say (and failing to put it in a way he could understand) and make the ideas more accessible to him. Thank you! And happy birthday! 🎉

My partner and I have struggled with our communication for a while. We are both neurodivergent, and it can be difficult for them to understand things from my perspective. After years of different articles and advice videos, I still heard "I didn't think of making dinner because I'm not hungry" and "I don't know what needs to be done" in the middle of a messy living room. It wasn't until I stumbled upon your videos and shared them with him that he was actually able to grasp the concept of 'mental load'. It was like a light switch. I cannot thank you enough for the positive impact that you have had on our lives. You are able to deliver clear and distinct messages without making excuses for the behaviors, which unfortunately is not something you can always say when gender norms are applicable. When it comes to stonewalling, I often find that women are told to essentially be more patient or leave if nothing changes. On the other hand, you give specific advice that truly focuses on the trigger points in a digestible way. All while remaining empathetic and non-judgemental. If you ever question what you're doing, I hope you know that the sense of validation that you provide to others means the world to them. Thank you for all that you do. Happy Birthday!

Your videos have me rethinking all of my past and how wrong i have been in my 26 years of marriage. How much demand my wife has had to manage alone. How i can evolve my way of thinking that is improving my life my marriage. helping me understand my wife's mental load and my own. THANK YOU!

Women initiate most divorces and men are always shocked and suprised when it happens to them. Only then do some of them finally ask WHY?

Women DON'T GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING. Anything bad a man does, a woman will get judged 10 fold for. The only partial exception is when women are young and especially if they are attractive... They may be able to pull the wool over some, but not all, people's eyes around certain bad behavoirs. But that is not something that ALL women could have done or have done. Plus that "power" is gone by the time you hit 30. Because this brief window of so- called "power" is capitalized by some toxic women, who use it to minipulate men, men actually believe that they are the ones who are being judged unfairly. And that ALL women are terrible. No, you just choose the bad ones. Men are valued for THEIR ACHIEVEMENTS and women for their fertility, apperance, and what they CAN DO FOR SOMEONE ELSE